Giving Back to the faces of adoption

Today I've been asked to participate in a panel on Adoption at our former agency, TLC in Sebastopol, CA. In August of 2004, we met the most beautiful little girl in the entire world -- the child that would become our daughter. She was only 8, with lovely green eyes, soft brown hair and a pixie personality that stole the hearts of her soon-to-be parents. In September of 2005, we went to Santa Rosa and finalized her adoption and our lives have not been the same since.

I believe in giving back to my community, whether it's where I live, who I work with, or the extended community of adoption ... I feel it is really important to participate and do the best I can do make a difference. That is why my husband and I "tackled" the choice of adoption. Talking on a panel brings up more than a little nervousness, and asking my daughter to participate brought up a sense of frustration at her "no way" response. "How could you not want to help other kids who are in the same place?" didn't work, so I get the opportunity to love her just the way she is -- even though I know I have to participate to give back.

The last six years have been amazing. They have not always been easy -- but I don't think raising kids is supposed to be easy. Being a parent is about making tough choices that our kids are going to hate and rebel against (especially in the teen years). Being a parent means reaching new heights of self-awareness and growth. For me, it also means doing my best to improve my parenting skills -- a task that I am finding is not always met with joy, since it often means I need to say "No" when she wants to hear "Yes".

When we were looking to find our child, I would pour -- literally -- through hundreds of faces of children that were in the California Foster Care system. At that time, there were over 100,000 children across the United States that needed homes. For the first two Fridays of the month, I was in front of stacks of books -- boys, girls, infants, teens, black, white and everything in between. It was overwhelming, sometimes hopeless, and almost always brought a feeling of sadness that I was unable to make a difference in all of those children's lives.

Adopting a child means learning to handle all the issues these kids bring with them -- they aren't washed at the door so that their "baggage" from the past is removed. They come from potential physical, psychological, and neglect abuse. There may have been drugs, alcohol, homelessness ... and they don't know how to love cause they have never been taught that there are kind and loving people in the world. My daughter has two sisters that were left behind so there is also guilt of the survivor.

I'm often asked would I do it again. I look at my child, and I see how she has flourished with our love, stability and ongoing willingness to tackle issues that are typical of kids that have been in the system. I watch her with continuing pride that she has overcome so much and continues to do her best to change the programing received prior to coming to us.

Would I do it again? Yeah. I would. If you could impact the world in a positive way by make the difference in the life of a child, wouldn't you?