Giving Back to the faces of adoption

Today I've been asked to participate in a panel on Adoption at our former agency, TLC in Sebastopol, CA. In August of 2004, we met the most beautiful little girl in the entire world -- the child that would become our daughter. She was only 8, with lovely green eyes, soft brown hair and a pixie personality that stole the hearts of her soon-to-be parents. In September of 2005, we went to Santa Rosa and finalized her adoption and our lives have not been the same since.

I believe in giving back to my community, whether it's where I live, who I work with, or the extended community of adoption ... I feel it is really important to participate and do the best I can do make a difference. That is why my husband and I "tackled" the choice of adoption. Talking on a panel brings up more than a little nervousness, and asking my daughter to participate brought up a sense of frustration at her "no way" response. "How could you not want to help other kids who are in the same place?" didn't work, so I get the opportunity to love her just the way she is -- even though I know I have to participate to give back.

The last six years have been amazing. They have not always been easy -- but I don't think raising kids is supposed to be easy. Being a parent is about making tough choices that our kids are going to hate and rebel against (especially in the teen years). Being a parent means reaching new heights of self-awareness and growth. For me, it also means doing my best to improve my parenting skills -- a task that I am finding is not always met with joy, since it often means I need to say "No" when she wants to hear "Yes".

When we were looking to find our child, I would pour -- literally -- through hundreds of faces of children that were in the California Foster Care system. At that time, there were over 100,000 children across the United States that needed homes. For the first two Fridays of the month, I was in front of stacks of books -- boys, girls, infants, teens, black, white and everything in between. It was overwhelming, sometimes hopeless, and almost always brought a feeling of sadness that I was unable to make a difference in all of those children's lives.

Adopting a child means learning to handle all the issues these kids bring with them -- they aren't washed at the door so that their "baggage" from the past is removed. They come from potential physical, psychological, and neglect abuse. There may have been drugs, alcohol, homelessness ... and they don't know how to love cause they have never been taught that there are kind and loving people in the world. My daughter has two sisters that were left behind so there is also guilt of the survivor.

I'm often asked would I do it again. I look at my child, and I see how she has flourished with our love, stability and ongoing willingness to tackle issues that are typical of kids that have been in the system. I watch her with continuing pride that she has overcome so much and continues to do her best to change the programing received prior to coming to us.

Would I do it again? Yeah. I would. If you could impact the world in a positive way by make the difference in the life of a child, wouldn't you?

My boy ...

Tonight I could feel we moved a little closer to loosing one of my best friends. My Eli has been with me for almost 12 years. He was -- and is -- a dream come true. My Champion. My Champion TL Cadence Easy Rider. My Eli. My big red boy ...

In October of last year we thought he just had a loose canine. But, a trip to a doggie dentist and the tumor was discovered. It has grown very rapidly, and now it has moved in to nearly the entire left side of his lower jaw. It looks nasty. But more than my impression of its appearance, is the way that it is slowly draining the life out of my handsome, noble, beloved Boxer. Tonight, he hemoraged. We've had that before, but tonight's battle left behind a lot of blood. His life's blood.

Eli isn't my first Boxer. In 1980, his great-great-granddaddy, Skye, came to live with me. I was raised with Boxers, and had always wanted another, and when I brought home Skye, I had dreams of an American Kennel Club Champion. Skye, though, had different ideas and preferred to lay in the sun, or dig a fox hole under his dog house. He had no desire to compete, but when a lovely young lassie from down the street caught his eye, I became a grandma. Kona was beautiful, and she didn't want to  be a Show Dog either!

A fluke brought Kona's son, Tyson, back into my life -- and his daughter, Kindra. And it was Kindra who gave me my beloved Eli. I know! It's a long, weird twist and turn in breeding that takes you back to the beginning, and the long and the short of it is he had a bad tumor night. Another night when I wonder if I'm giong to have to make an emergency run to the vet -- for his last time.

I was scared tonight, yet found a place in me that was calm, and clear, and moved through the motions of stopping the bleeding as quickly as possible without a loss of time. Then it was cleaning him up -- and for a dog that was formerly a Big Dog on Campus, he is mortified when we have to take a wet washcloth and clean his chest. He just doesn't like that one bit.

He was so amazingly handsome. I had dreamed all my life of having a Boxer as beautiful as he, and now when I look at him, I see even more beauty. I see such heart, and determination, and acceptance of what "is". He doesn't argue with his body, or his god, or with nature. He accepts What Is, and rests when he is tired and pursues passions when he is awake. He doesn't play with toys like he used to; it's too painful. But he loves to take our daughter to school and ride in the back seat. Or go for a spin around the block with our little black dog.  

It's late, and I'm tired. I might change this blog in the morning, or I might not. I might let it stand to honor a Champion -- not just a title on a piece of paper -- but the bestest Champion in my heart that I have ever loved. And I have loved some awesome dogs in my day. But Eli? He came to do a job and that job was to make me happy.

And he has done a damn find job of that.

What if ...

What if ... when you went in to a job interview, you were the one that got to ask the questions of the prospective employer?

What if ... when you sat down for that interview, your prospective boss had asked you to bring a list of questions for his company -- questions that were deeper than how vacation time accrues, or if there is a matching 401k?

What if ... when you sat down for that interview, and you did the interviewing, you were able to ask the employer questions like ... if I bring in 10 new clients, do I get a pay raise? if I bring in 100? 1,000?

What if ... when you sat down for that interview, you asked your employer about your new co-workers' attitude -- do they read books on self-improvement? Do they have written dreams and goals? Do they share those dreams and goals with their manager?

What if ... the manager you shared those dreams and goals with actually supported you in moving past their level to a window office -- with a bigger salary? What if that manager actually felt happy if you were of such a high caliber that you were doing better at your job than they were?

What if ... you didn't have to keep it a secret when you got a raise, cause you don't want to upset the apple cart and have the other people you work with find out that you are making an additional 25 cents an hour over what they are making -- they'd get really mad and find out ways to make you look bad, that's for sure!

What if ... the people inside that Company you had interviewed were people you chose to work with, not for? What if you liked those people because they were upbeat, and happy, and excited every morning to get up and start their day -- wouldn't you be able to tell that they had something worthwhile to be excited about?

Don't those sound like some of the most incredible "What If" questions you have ever pondered?

That "What If" is one of the visions of Network Marketing. The reality that there is a Company that is poised for amazing market share, that aligns with your ideals, your beliefs, all of your dreams and goals -- all you value and crave -- in your life. Network Marketing offers you an opportunity to change your life -- if you're willing to work hard, be coachable, work part-time or full-time (not spare-time) and accept the direction from others that have blazed the trail before you!

With the economic challenges that many American families are facing (as well as families around the world) Network Marketing offers a viable solution.

Maybe it's your time to embrace the idea of jumping in with both feet -- how would your life change?

Do you ever feel "out of place" ... ?

Last night I joined over 50 women and men for a phenomenal Company Opportunity Meeting. I go there monthly, and I absolutely love it! The energy that fills the room electric and I leave there feeling rejuvenated, revitalized and ramped up.

I did notice a little feeling "I am inadequate" last night. Many of the women are beautiful -- some are my age, some are younger, but they are "all" confident, slim, well dressed -- and I feel my own insecurities arise about being a large-sized woman.

I've looked back at photos of myself as a young woman and as a kid, and noticed that my weight began becoming a challenge in my 30's. I believe this was in large part to a lower back injury that occurred when my ex husband and I had a small farm. I can be a stubborn lady, and I would often do much of the work that was required with having livestock -- moving hay bales, grain sacks, mucking the stalls -- and usually the responsibility was mine to physically move animals from pasture to pasture, or take care of their health needs.

With my ongoing back pain has come a lack of exercise. Coupling that with my age, my weight has slowly crept up. Watching those wonderful women last night, I was acutely aware of my ongoing sense of shyness coupled with my negative body image. And I found myself last night just wanting to kind of fade into the background because of a sense of disconnect between me and everyone else.

I'm in direct sales and holding myself back does not create my dreams -- instead, it keeps me trapped in a nightmare of my own making.

Acknowledging that personal truth is a huge step. Taking action to change my body image is what takes me to another level. I've recommitted myself to my ongoing weight loss. I've reconnected with two different websites that support me, and I've recommitted to writing down my food on paper as well.

There is nothing different between any of us -- except the stories that rattle around inside our brains.

Someone who has achieved success in my company emailed me today when I expressed my frustration with myself .... "Just Do It has always worked for me," she said.

Just do it, Terri. You'll be glad -- on all levels! -- that I did!!

Faith.

I've had the opportunity to have Faith befriend me many times in my life. I experienced it when my husband and I decided that adopting a child wasn't in the cards for us -- and that day we were matched with our daughter. It has befriended me when we started treatments on our beloved Boxer dog for cancer by radically changing his diet and feeding raw foods; he's stable, with good days and bad. Today, looking at the buzz on the web, I have Faith that my direct sales company is making the right choice for my network marketing business.

I have a day job. Like so many Americans, I'm working to not only make ends meet, but rise above the economy we are faced with in these challenging times. I'm half a century young, and I probably have another 30 or more years ahead of me. That's both exciting and terrifying -- I'm not nearly ready for retirement, either by choice or by force. So, in my spare time, I have chosen to hitch my wagon to a direct sales star. Only today could feel a little different than yesterday, because yesterday I received a letter from my company.

They, like me, are having to make choices in financial arenas. Restructuring finances is a positive move to make us a stronger company. I already represent the most fabulous products I have ever used! My skin has changed, my health is stronger, and I feel good. After a menopause that nearly wiped me off the map, I attribute my growing clarity to the products I use from my company. I could choose other products, I'm sure, but I have seen and felt the difference with my products. Why would I want to use anything else??

I stand behind my company, and I offer to you their guarantee: You'll love love it or your money back.

Have a beautiful day, world. I have appointments to set!

Forever's as far as I'll go ...

For Christmas, Santa brought me the album "The Essential Alabama". Today was the first day I thought about playing music while I update the organization on my desk and call clients. I think I was tickled to listen to music from yesterday's Discover Leadership training in Sacramento with Karen Keeney.

I remember the first Alabama album I bought -- they were a "brand new" group and I absolutely fell in love with their sound, their lyrics -- Alabama was a big part of the notes of my life at one time. Listening to these familiar songs today I feel light, blessed, happy and I cannot help but blend my notes with theirs (decent karaoke LOL).

Hearing Walter Brennan's voice "someday I'm gonna climb that mountain ..." brought me back to The Real McCoys, and sweet toothless grins, and one of the finest character actors that I absolutely adored. I wanted to someday name a son "Brennan" ... he was my TV grandfather -- wise, and kind, with a great sense of humor.

Alabama was such a master at a love song. Even today, nearly 30 years later, their vocals are exquisite. Combined with the feeling behind the words and it seems like only yesterday I bought that album.

They retired some years back, I hope the years out of the spotlight have been kind. Feels so right ...

Connection in process: All social networking sites combined into one. Wow! Learning something new!!

Appreciating family.

I suddenly realized I understood Family tonight.

"A few days ago," (in my minds' eye!) a woman found me who had a little girl Boxer, and wanted a big boy Boxer. That was in 1990 (feeling dated here). Today she and I had the opportunity of chatting on the phone since .... oh, probably 2002? So, not that long ago. But oh, it felt like so much longer! And now she's a Grandma -- and a gorgeous one at that! Wow, what a trip. Suddenly, I'm my Mom's age -- a quarter of a century ago.

And another family this week -- "Dad" worked with my ex-husband -- and we all used to go camping together, enjoying bar-b-que, s'mores and boating. Today he accepted my friend request, and I went and looked at his pictures of his grand babies -- three of 'em! Like WOW. When did THAT happen???

A horsey-girlfriend from high school had to dash off from chatting the other night because she had to get her grandson to sleep. Grandson?? Hey guys -- I have a 13 year old daughter and you've got grand babies! Wow. I think I started way later than you! Oh, yeah ... I remember. I made a different choice then, and after looking at all those cute kids, I feel so blessed that I might get to know who they are -- like I get to spend time with my nephews. I could feel a little sad, but then I pray I don't have grand babies too soon! Lord help me, no!!

These are just three of the relationships in the last week that have reconnected. We are all spread out all over the place -- but I've never stopped missing the people to whom these virtual letters are sent. It reminds me of the pen pals I had as a teenager!  And I'm sharing my friends lives, chatting on the phone, planning day trips to visit. Wow.

FaceBook is such a great community and it's awesome at bringing families together. What an incredible blessing.

XOXO

T

The Other Half of Me

Have you ever wondered what your parents look like? I have. Well, at least I've been curious about half a parent -- my birth father.

My Father left when I was an infant, and my Mom remarried when I was around three. When I was nine, she shared with me the fact that my two  younger brothers and I had different fathers. To say that I was surprised at this revelation would be an understatement.

My mother had an incredibly supportive family who loved her -- and me -- very much. My Nana, who was my Mom's Mom, was a huge part of my life, along with my Grandpa Ed. My Nana, Ivy Stanley, had married husband #4, Ed Bates, when I was just 3 months old. The family story is that I was with them when they bought the rings, got married -- and they took me with them on their honeymoon to meet Grandpa's family in Illinois. But ... I digress a bit.

Today, at 53 years old, I finally know what my Father looks like.

I found him via "social media" in September 2009, and when I emailed him he actually emailed me back! And today, I finally know what my Dad looks like -- and he is a handsome bloke!

How do you move past June Cleaver?

I was pondering my opportunity appointment this morning, and remembering some of our conversation. That also brings to mind a fortune cookie I got recently shortly after I started focusing on business building. The fortune was "You don't have to be perfect to achieve your dream." Or something along those lines. That, my friend, is where the word lies.

Rain sweet rain!

We have had a pretty dry three years here in Sonoma County, and tonight I can hear the sound of rain on the skylights. It is the most divine sound!

I love rain. I love being in a house with a roaring fireplace and windows all around me so I can watch the power of a storm move over me, while I sit safe and warm. I love seeing the plants the next morning -- the roses covered with drops that fill the tunnels formed by their petals. Shake them out! I love watching the drops scatter, often soaking my clothing.

I love walking through puddles, feeling my shoes fill with the cold wetness, and I feel the giggles coming from deep within. I love feeling the misty rain on my face, and I lift my chin to the sky and smile as the fine drops soak my hair.

I love the spring, when the flowers beging to release their buty from tightly head packages of petals. It is so lovely to watch them all dance in the warm sunlight.

Summer offers a vast array of color, and smells, and the tastes of summer fruits arrive, bursting on the scene! Sweet summer ..

And Autumn, when the leaves slowly begin to turn into a tapestry of golds, and reds, and oranges, brilliant as they tremble on the thinning branches of their home. As the winds start to pick up, they caress the sidewalks, and car windows, and skip across roads as though they were pebbles being skipped on water.

Winter brings the paperwhites, persimmons on the tree, and holiday lights glowing bright and clear in the darkening sky.

Oh yes, each season is special in its own unique way, just as all of us hold our own special place in the circle of life.

Are we not blessed?