The Other Half of Me

Have you ever wondered what your parents look like? I have. Well, at least I've been curious about half a parent -- my birth father.

My Father left when I was an infant, and my Mom remarried when I was around three. When I was nine, she shared with me the fact that my two  younger brothers and I had different fathers. To say that I was surprised at this revelation would be an understatement.

My mother had an incredibly supportive family who loved her -- and me -- very much. My Nana, who was my Mom's Mom, was a huge part of my life, along with my Grandpa Ed. My Nana, Ivy Stanley, had married husband #4, Ed Bates, when I was just 3 months old. The family story is that I was with them when they bought the rings, got married -- and they took me with them on their honeymoon to meet Grandpa's family in Illinois. But ... I digress a bit.

Today, at 53 years old, I finally know what my Father looks like.

I found him via "social media" in September 2009, and when I emailed him he actually emailed me back! And today, I finally know what my Dad looks like -- and he is a handsome bloke!


When I first found him, I processed the feelings and the experience for a few days before calling my Mom. When I knew that we were going up to see her, I called. "Mom, I found my father." There was no hesitation, just a "good. I know you've been looking for him. I'm glad you found him."

We'd talked about him on and off over the years, but every time I brought up ways to track him down, she wasn't supportive. Mind you, she was never really "un" supportive, just not willing to do the legwork. With the fact that he had finally been located, there seemed to be a sense of relief and ease between us.

Staring at my father and mother in that photo feels like finding a piece of myself. I can see myself in his eyes, a bit of his smile, and I've also seen me in some of the emails we've exchanged. It's like, at 53, I've finally come home ... to me.

Thanks Dad. You have no idea how important contact with you is -- doesn't matter that I'm an adult, a mom, a wife. Before all that I was a baby, born of you and Mom. And now I can see both of you.

And that feels really, really good.